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About Toi

Trigger Warning- Christianity

So, here it is. This is my proclamation. It will inspire some but most likely sadden or anger many.

I, like many people around the world, have just had a very tough year. A year that has changed me in ways I didn’t see coming, but ways that are better for me in the long run. Most of these changes are subtle, but some of them really aren’t changes, they are simply things that I’ve either finally let go of or have unmasked from my life.

I am a Christian (don’t think that was a secret but this is to clarify). It’s not easy to be a true Christian, not the radical and hateful holy rollers that are too often depicted and accepted as the standard on TV (unfortunately, we know there are many out there like that). I can’t speak for all true Christians, but I can be honest about how I feel and believe that some will agree. It’s hard to be a Christian because we love everyone even when we don’t agree with them and they don’t agree with us. We love even when others hate, and we love even when we have good reason not to.

It’s hard to be a Christian because we see how the world works and know that we will always be separate from it no matter how much we love it.

It’s hard to be a Christian because we have to live with all the atrocities that have occurred throughout history in the name of Christ: rape, pillaging, slavery, genocide, segregation, oppression, brutality, and so much more.

It’s hard to be Christian when it’s not politically correct anymore, when it labels you a radical conservative, and when it labels you a bigot. It’s not an easy thing for a Christian to accept everything that’s written in the Bible, especially when it comes from the Old Testament, but it’s hard to explain why the New Testament is so vital to non-Christians.

It’s hard to be a Christian when several groups of people think you hate them. I can’t deny the turmoil that exists between Christians and the LGTBQ community. Historically, Christians have hunted down and killed, brutalized, and used unfair laws to oppress people of this community. But that’s not what true Christianity is about. I’m not going to lie and say that Christianity is LGTBQ inclusive, but it’s not about hating and oppressing either. It doesn’t matter if I say I don’t hate someone for being LGTBQ and believe they have a right to live their life the way they choose. At the end of the day, I’m still going to privately pray they have a change of heart and mind, and they are still going to be mad at me for not completely accepting them just the way they are. I know what it feels like to not be accepted the way you are and hate to pass that feeling onto anyone else.

I write this with tears in my eyes thinking of LGTBQ people in my life who may never speak to me again after seeing this because I do truly love them, care for them, and will always want the best for them. No matter what, they are a human being and they have touched my life in a positive way, even if for just a little while, and I will never forget them.

It’s hard to be a Christian when everyone in the world seems to be against you, but then you remember the story of Christ and why you believe and you feel a sense of comfort you’ve never been able to find anywhere else. It’s a feeling that you want to share with others. but many times, no one wants to hear about it. Scientists and atheists will tell you that religion is a manifestation of human will and imagination, but if it’s the only thing that makes all the hardships and pains of life worth living through, then why not believe.

It’s hard to be a Christian when other religions are labeled as cooler and more enlightened. I honestly admire anyone who truly believes in something and doesn’t just practice religious rituals out of habit. I don’t expect everyone to believe what I believe. I have, always, and will continue to fight for people’s rights to practice any religion they choose.

It’s hard to be a Christian, but that’s what I am. I accept that I will lose friends over this. This has been a year of lost friendships over racial issues, so I guess it’s time to add on religion. I won’t apologize for it, but I will say “I’m sorry” if this message has upset you. I never intended to cause anyone pain. If me being a Christian is too painful for you, I’ll understand if you never want to see my face, name, and hear or read anything I have to say ever again.

Whether you believe me or not, I want you to live your best life while you can, even if it’s a life I don’t completely understand. I may not march in the parade with you, but I’ll be there to stop anyone who tries to knock you off your float.

Everyone has a right to live the life they want to live, and I have the right to be a Christian.

I have no idea what will happen after this posts. I may be asked to step-down or away from some of the organizations I’m apart of. I honestly don’t know. But, if I have to start from scratch, I guess that’s what I’ll do. I’m not going to stop writing, reading, and spreading my personal message of harmony- living in a world where people agree to disagree and respect the right of everyone to live their best life.

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#blacklivesmatter About Toi Virtual Book Tours

CORVID-19 is coming! @RavenCon & @kickstarter #anthology

The first time I attended RavenCon I was blown away. It was such a good experience all around and I knew it would become part of my regular Con experience whether I vended or not. So, when I was given a chance to speak at my next RavenCon I thought I’d truly made it into this geeky tribe where I would be safe and accepted… until I wasn’t.

I won’t go into a lot of details, but at my second RavenCon, someone who worked for the establishment where the event was held made me and my niece feel less than accepted. This wasn’t RavenCon’s fault in any way, but when news of my experience reached them, they investigated to make sure this kind of thing didn’t happen again at their event, which I thought was great. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, it was their word against mine. At that point, everyone tried to convince me that I was being sensitive, but after a lifetime of being the only black person in a place and being ignored or being last to be acknowledged, they were right. I was being sensitive- sensitive to the familiar feeling of being overlooked and dismissed. Not having someone understand that hurt.

Despite the hurt I felt, when I saw RavenCon stand up to proclaim that Black Lives Matter, I decided to put the past behind me and move forward. 2020 and COVID-19 have been hard/difficult/down-right terrible on so many. When I saw that RavenCon wanted to raise money to help compensate vendors and refund tickets I wanted to help. I’ve been a convention ticket holder and vendor and I know first hand what it’s meant to not attend Cons this year.

I gave to an initial fundraiser they held a while back and submitted a story for their charitable anthology, knowing I would make no money from it if my story was chosen. I was surprised when my story was chosen and was happy to work with the editor, Michael Pederson, to perfect the story for print.

I’m very excited for people to have a chance to read my story in the CORVID-19 anthology, and even more excited to do my part to help raise money for RavenCon. The Kickstarter campaign launches in one week on Wednesday, December 16. I do hope you will check it out and #BackTheRaven.

*Sorry I didn’t share the cover of CORVID-19, I wasn’t given clearance for that 😉 Don’t worry, I’ll post again on launch day. Hope to see you then.*

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. If you like it let me know and share it with others. See you next time, Toi Thomas. #thetoiboxofwords #blacklivesmatter

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#blacklivesmatter About Toi IWSG Videos

#IWSG November 2020: Why I #Amwriting

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Created and hosted by the Ninja himself, Alex J. Cavanaugh, the Insecure Writers Support Group posts the 1st Wednesday of every month. Click the image to learn more or sign up.

Optional Monthly Question: Albert Camus once said, “The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.” Flannery O’Conner said, “I write to discover what I know.” Authors across time and distance have had many reasons to write. Why do you write what you write?

I used to think the only reason I wrote anything was because of an internal compulsion- something within me that compelled me to write. I just always felt that, “I write because I am”. In the past, I’ve mostly stuck to writing fiction, only dabbling a nonfiction and poetry from time to time (and I never shared any of it).

A few years back, when still working in Special Education, I started writing and illustrating picture books to reach young people- to help them grasp complex concepts. Still, long or short fiction had remained my passion. Then 2020 happened and I couldn’t write what I wanted to anymore. My compulsion had changed. I started writing to help me cope with all the things in the world that were causing me to feel hurt. I wrote for myself to help me cope, but when I wrote and illustrated two children’s books to help me cope with COVID and the Black Lives Matter movement, I decided to share them with the world- not to make money (especially since I released them for free initially), but to put it out there in case someone else could relate and get something out of it.

On my blog, I traded my usual flash-fiction for poetry and narrative, exploratory, nonfiction as I addressed my growing concern for a large portion of the world that views my skin color as a threat, a commodity to be exploited, or a statistic to be ignored. Only in the last few days have I been able to return to my worlds of fantasy, science fiction, or romance and resume my many WIPs, though many have taken on some major transformations. My writing has changed because I’ve changed. I’m the same person and writer I’ve always been, but for the first time, I’m not censoring myself to suit any audience. I’m at the point where I write exactly what I want. People can love it, like it, be indifferent, or hate it. It is what it is.

So, in essence, “I [still] write because I am”, I’m just writing more honestly than I ever have before- even when I’m writing fiction.

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Now, on to the personal updates.

I turned 40 since last we met and posted a fun video in an effort to get back into the swing of things. I’d love for you to check it out.

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So, why do you write?
If you don’t write, have you considered it?
It may take some time, but I promise, I will stop by your blog.

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After hanging out with Alex, be sure to stop by and visit this month’s co-hosts:
Jemi Fraser,
Kim Lajevardi,
L.G Keltner,
Tyrean Martinson, and
Rachna Chhabria!

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Click here to visit other IWSG blogs and sites to receive and share more inspiration and support. (This month, I’m #37).

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. If you like it let me know and share it with others. See you next time, Toi Thomas. #thetoiboxofwords #blacklivesmatter